"I am the LORD your Son, who brought you out of your virtually carefree existence, into the land of slavery:
1. Thou shalt not attempt to start a meal without at least ten spoons.
2. Thou shalt come armed at each meal with all the necessary parts of My meal. Any attempt to run into the kitchen to get "one last thing" will result in exaggerated whining and possibly the end of dinner.
3. Thou shalt be aware that placing Me in my high chair stirs up feelings of intense hunger, hunger that I was not aware of one minute earlier while happily playing. Be thou armed with some foodthing to fling on my tray, while you gather the rest of My meal.
4. Thou shalt NOT place a bib on Me.
5. Thou shalt avoid eye contact if you are eating your meal with Me. Talking and smiling at me will not promote family meal time, it will result in My thinking of some other whiny thing to express to you. I prefer to focus on my food.
6. Thou shalt break into song (preferably The Wheels on the Bus) if you really want Me to finish that oatmeal.
7. Thou shalt clean me after every meal.
8. Thou shalt put all My foods in neat little piles. Do not mix.
9. Thou shalt understand that putting anything new (aka gross) on my tray may result in additional whining.
10. Thou shalt finish each meal by granting Me a Vegetable Baby Mum Mum. Thou shalt present it to me like a communion wafer, and I will reward you with a squinty incredulous smile as you grant me the biggest finger food ever."
4 comments:
I'm surprised you still have a sense of humor.
Dad
Sophie has been insisting that I follow Luke's fourth commandment. (NO BIB!) This has necessitated many changes of clothing.
Your solution is so simple, so obvious.
No bib, no shirt.
*11. Thou shalt have a big dog below my tray that I may look at when stray food lands on the floor.
One problem with cats — or at least our cat — is that they don't help clean the floor.
Heck, our cat turns up her nose at food that's been sitting in her bowl for more than five minutes.
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